tired in a way i am at least trying to put into words

i am exhausted
from trying. for two
years, pouring myself into something that
didn't even come
close to working. i am tired from going on
dates and the connection only ever
going one way, tired from saying that i
am not going to have sex for
thirty days and then
two days later removing
all a boy's clothing and
taking him to his bedroom.
i am tired from missing you even though
missing you has never accomplished
anything, i spent
two years missing you while you
were sititng right next to me
an immeasurable amount of
time and
effort spent on
things that do. not. translate! you were the
sun and you filled everything with
light, but i was a
downpour and i was dried. up.
in the heat

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