5.15.2016

surrender.

seeing you
happy, hearing you
speak about how you have
not
felt
this whole
in a long time
is happiness
to me

your smile, your
laugh, your
cheesy jokes and the
way
you wrap me up
in your arms

these are the best things.

each day i
wake and i don't know
anything else anymore but to
pour
myself
out to you and i
am happy to give you
all of me, i have been
honored
to know you
to love you

but somewhere down this
road, i started to feel
empty. you are
building yourself back
up, making something
beautiful of all
your broken
pieces but i seem
to have forgotten
how to do that for myself, i
still fail you in
a million small ways
every day and i
am tormented at night by the
distance in your voice, the
hours we spend
apart, the few we spend
together just
tearing
one another
apart

i dream over and again of those three
small
words

one way relationship

but all i want for you is that
wholeness! that
healing! that
magic we used to
be to one another, just
/love/! i want
to be the thing you
dream of, the one you cannot
wait
to spend every
spare
moment with but i
am not her.
so

i love you
deeply
wholly
fiercely but
you
can go now

but please know that
/loving you/
has been the single
greatest
time
of my life.

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