5.13.2016

mortality.

watching someone who
raised you up in their womb become
intimately acquainted with
fear
of death
will change you
it will break down everything
inside of yourself that you
thought you knew as you replay
every
harsh
word
you have ever said to her
WHY
does it matter
how do we ever
let our anger grow greater
than our love
how are we ever so
consumed
with their mistakes that we lose sight of the
/human being/
living
breathing
loving you no matter the cost
how do we reach a point of such
arrogance to think
that to hurt you at all is not
punishment enough?!
i am so
so
self-
absorbed
and as i stir,
waking at two a.m. in this
camping chair on my porch,
half a pack's worth of
cigarette butts at my feet
killing myself
slowly
with grief,
i pick myself up
i carry my heavy feet to my bed
and i lie down
more awake this night
than maybe i have ever been
hopeful that this
resolve does not fade
too
quickly, that this
aching
burning
desire to emanate /love/
awe
deep, whole gratitude
to have been able to love her
to have the honor
of knowing her and to
stop.
being so
caught up
in all the pain she has ever caused me
it is important.
but it is small and she
is far
more
important.

No comments:

Post a Comment