9.29.2011

pieces.

things can fall
apart so
quickly

i have those
raccoon eyes and i’m
down ten pounds but they
say it all gets
better with time

please! be as great a healer as
they all say, because i’ve
never hurt like this before and i
need a brighter future to
look forward to


written for movaten.

9.02.2011

time.

always flying by whilst
dragging on

she gives and she takes and she
decides everything

i can never get enough of her, and she
doesn’t seem interested in
me at all

forever chasing her, still she’s
always farther away, always
out of reach

she is stern and
unforgiving and she
never looks
back


written for movaten.

8.17.2011

virus.

invasion and
replication

the before was but
microscopic and
virtually harmless, oh! but the
after!

this thing has brought us to
our knees

drinking orange juice and
wiping hard drives and
eating nothing but soup and
anti-virus software and
vitamins, vitamins, vitamins

irrevocable damage, so many
moments, lost
hours spent sleeping and
data unrecoverable

a remarkable villian
powerful, common, and
not even
alive


written for movaten.

8.14.2011

pain.

i don’t have to feel this way or any
way or any-
thing at all

a tiny little bottle and one
swig of anything and i can
flip a switch that my
mind cannot reach, cannot
wrap around, cannot
seem to ever
forget

one
tiny
pill

and i don’t have to think
don’t have to dream
or remember
or be afraid
or feel
any of it

i need only breathe
in and out, and simply
fade to
grey


written for movaten.

8.11.2011

i.

i do not see and
unsee, hear and then
unhear so that you are
always right

i cannot be commanded or
programmed to
drop my pants at will, post
x-amount of
compliments or
glasses of wine

i am not your
plaything, no matter how
many times you may have
fooled me

i am living,
breathing,
feeling,
suffering, and i am
rapidly out-
growing you


written for movaten.

8.08.2011

art.

art is more than a thing, like it is
alive and breathing and growing in-
side me

dangerous when premature and
usually on time and
sometimes you think the inspiration will never
manifest outside your
mind, never
grace the world, fully
developed and
alive

sooner or later, though, it
comes bursting forth, to
its own beautiful rhythm, and
perfect


written for movaten.

8.05.2011

connected.

the minute i feel
alone, or feel
sad, or feel
empty, i slide to
unlock and i

call and i
tweet and i
facebook and google+ and
email and text and
heytell, ‘cause that’s so much more
personal

i have somehow managed to
place all my humanity, all my
connection, my longing, my
time, my energy, the
entirety of my
self into one
tiny, complex little
machine


written for movaten.

8.02.2011

the bottle.

you speak to me as if i
care to listen
call to me like you
need me

i have told you no so
many times, but i cannot
fight you
forever, not
alone

my one companion through it
all, through every
thing that i have seen, every
thing that i have felt

you are
the one thing i can count on and i
cannot deny myself one
small
drink

written for movaten.

7.28.2011

obvious.

sometimes dreaming of him and
flattering him and
sitting inches from him always and
telling him everything and
trusting him and
flirting and
hinting and
vulnerably adoring are
not always so
obvious

to him

sometimes flattery and
flirtation and confiding and
finding any way to be close to her and
longing for her and
flattering her and
trusting her and
waiting and
hoping and
promises that she is
remarkable and she will
find someone who
utterly adores her, are
not always so
obvious

to her

we live in our own
minds and our own hearts and we
often find ourselves wondering if we
imagined the whole thing

simple, deductive logic
muddled by
longing

sometimes you just have to
brave it, have to
risk it, have to
kiss the girl, and
pray for a
happy ending

7.14.2011

tribulation.

i keep passing myself in the
mirror, barely recognizing myself, i have
changed so much

and i guess i've grown

see, i've lived a little and i've
encountered a few troubles and i've
learned to love jesus a little
better

the truth, however
is that while my troubles have
not been few, they've also
not been all that
  "glamorous"

i don't know
suffering like he did or
real pain or
what it even feels like to
be alone

see, god is
faithful and he will not
let me be tempted beyond my
capacity

and i'm just now learning how
very, very small that
capacity really is

6.27.2011

visible.

i lie down at night with
hair disheveled and clothes ragged, post-
cooking, which happens from
scratch and from the heart and
after the laundry's all
done, after the
chasing and the wiping and the
playing and loving and
protecting from fatal injury
the entirety of my energy, spent
looking one hot mess, but
still and always
smiling

he lies down at night with
hair disheveled and clothes ragged, post-
scarfing favorite foods, after
spilling and grass-staining and ripping, after
fleeing and squirming and
playing and loving and
forever falling down
the entirety of his energy, spent
eyes wide,
disaster in his wake, and
still and always
smiling

6.25.2011

tiny hands.

little baby hands with five
tiny baby fingers, always
running away with food and
toys and books and
my heart

2.01.2011

tiny giggles and
shimmying toddler hips are
all the joy i need

1.23.2011

everything.

feeling in need of
nothing in particular, i
sing out

be my everything,
be my everything

hardly willing to let you be my anything.

not my kiss goodnight or my
loving embrace. not my
aspririn or my
epidural. not my
warmth or my
shelter or my
nourishment. not
zebediah's heartbeat or
anything else that has
any significance
whatsoever.

you're my warm, fuzzy
feeling on a
tired sunday
afternoon

nothing more,
nothing more.