12.31.2005

Home

Home is sleeping naked because it’s my preference
Not getting dressed unless I have to leave the house
Listening to music that makes me smile
Cooking really spicy food
Dancing around and singing because nobody’s watching

Love is sleeping naked because I feel comfortable
Nothing expected of me except to not have nightmares
Listening to him talk even when I disagree
Cooking less spicy food
Dancing around and singing even though I’m watching

I mean to say, the boy can’t dance

Home is warm and cozy and always smells good
Wearing Spongebob underwears just because I can
Curling up with a book I escape into
Wearing no makeup and leaving my hair messy
Crying when I pray because nobody’s watching

Love is warm and cozy and he always smells good
Wearing Spongebob underwears because I think they’re hot
Curling up in his arms, I could escape into them
Wearing no make up and leaving my beautiful hair messy
Crying when I pray, and he’s crying with me

I mean to say, the boy loves God

Love is feeling at home with someone else present
Looking into the camera when I used to have to avert my eyes
Feeling less ugly and fat because I know he thinks I’m perfect
Knows I’m perfect even when I’m not
Dancing and singing and praying and growing together

I mean to say, the girl is in love

12.27.2005

The Honest True Love Poem

Some things in life we will never know and we know we will never know them
But what of those which we might never know but don’t know we never will
Or those we dismiss under the assumption that we never will

Like you

How do you take away all my words?
You take away the fuel for my art, my anger and spurts of emotion
How do you remove me from the very thing that freed me,
And in that free me moreso?

Because, honestly, I want my words back
How else will anyone see I am an artist?

I feel naked without a lifetime of anger to pour into prose

I mean, I know that the honesty of my art revealed me
Revealed more of myself than I naturally tended to share
But that doesn’t give you the right to take it away

I gave up my whole self once and it was a strange sensation
Like coming out of a coma and re-learning to walk
So here you come riding in on your white horse
Stealing away the pieces I worked so hard to rebuild

This is the honest truth of my true love
It’s all so frightening to lose myself in something so glorious
Dream as I may, I need you here to hold my hand through this

It scares me to think I spent all those years fighting and growing
Only for you to come rescue me from my pain and heal me with your love
That you were the answer to all of it
And I’m once again remodeling all that I believe

So, please do come hold my hand
I fear it’s the only way I’ll come through to the other side still put together right
Put me together right, please

So if I never know how you stole them
I can forgive you for being such a sly thief
And find more enchanting words with which to compose