7.30.2005

breathe you.

remember the days we possessed a love so treasured?
tended to daily and never malnourished
when my tears were erased by your undying love?
and we more than knew each other
we were connected. inside. our souls were tied.

we laughed and loved and learned and grew
the world stopped spinning when we were together
or so it seemed from my perspective
and we more than understood each other
we breathed each other. lived each other.

remember the days our relationship was so untainted?
tended to daily and never malnourished
when my heartaches were healed by your overflowing compassion?
and we more than cared for each other
we were committed. forever. our minds were made.

then i laughed and cried and doubted and fell
hte world stopped spinning without you
or so it seemed from my perspective
and we less than knew each other
we lost each other. and we missed each other.

remember the day our paths first crossed?
unbelief striking every chord in my existence
when my brokenness was completed by your perfect heart?
and we more than desired each other
we were drawn. inexplicably. our love was new.

i laugh and i cry and i learn and i grow
the world is spinning dizzyingly fast around me
or so it seems from my perspective
and i know a little more than previous
i need you. i breathe you.

7.27.2005

home.

home is the scent when you come in from work
feeling instantly relaxed and comfortable
free from the box you have to conform to
just to get by in the world

it's the place you don't feel ugly without make-up
or uneasy wandering aimlessly naked
or pressured to be someone merely by obligation
just free to be, be yourself

it's the things that are yours and yours only
that no one said you had to have
that aren't required of you for a promotion
merely your heart's desires

it's the feeling of accomplishment
not needing anyone or anything to lean on
not yearning for the support or approval of anyone
merely fitting your standards

i can decorate however i want
dress however i want, feel however i want
say whatever i want
whatever

i don't have to answer to anyone
or walk a certain way or talk a certain way
or meet any particular demands
just whatever

7.21.2005

medicine cabinets.

her head is throbbing and she doesn't really remember why
all she knows is she doesn't have any aspirin
the medicine cabinet is devoid of such useful things
filled with medicines for pale faces, rough skin,
and protection from unplanned pregnancies

so she stumbles down the hallway
finding pieces of the portrait she embodied last night
a once perfect picture of innocence
now strewn across her apartment floor
so nonchalantly tossed aside so short a time ago

she squints her eyes as the hallway reaches its end
where daybreak is peeking through her mini blinds
hardly keeping her knees from buckling beneath her
as she bends to gather her keys, and shoes, and wallet
and all the empty bottles that might have contributed to this migraine

she nearly jumps through the roof as her cell phone rings
the song reverberating through the entire 650 square feet
and it takes her a little longer than usual to answer
seeing as to how she doesn't typically keep her phone in the refrigerator
but the cold that sweeps her is surely not the result of this small plastic piece pressed to her ear

she shudders as his laughter rings through her ears
he tells her he had an amazing time last night and asks her if she feels the same
and she instantly understands the stumble in her walk
certainly wasn't caused by dancing or standing or large amounts of alcohol
but by a place she flees from every day

her head is throbbing and she doesn't really remember why
all she knows is she doesn't have any aspirin
her medicine cabinet is filled with cures for pale faces and rough skin
and empty spots that upon her seeing turn her stomach
and suddenly it hits her, as hard as she wishes a cement truck would

so she makes the desperate effort
to wash away the uncleanliness
scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing her skin raw
soaking her face with salty, bitter-sweet water drops
suffering from the memories too distant to recall

she submerges herself beneath a warm blanket of sanity
her eyes squeezed shut, imagining the worst
her hair flowing as the water ripples
waving ever so slowly as the water stills
framing gorgeous, almond-shaped eyes that no longer blink

7.11.2005

Eyes That Shimmer

She used to wince when she saw his number
Flashing in vibrant blue on her cell phone LCD
He’s the needy, high maintenance friend
With timing that’s far from impeccable

He used to dial her number when he felt inspired
But one sided conversations dim hopes of sparking friendships
She’s the inspirational, down-to-earth friend
With eyes that sparkle a vibrant blue

She feels guilty when she dials his number
Growing more un easy with every ring flowing through her ear piece
He’s the affectionate, reliable friend
With availability whenever a need is presented

He winces when he sees her number
Flashing vibrant blue on his cell phone LCD
She’s the contradictory, complicated friend
With more appeal than he’d like to admit

She feels safe with his frail arms around her
Tears flowing freely as she tells him her story
He’s the understanding, selfless friend
With the scent of home embedded in his embrace

He feels heartbroken with her in his arms
Jealousy and compassion flowing in the same beat of his heart
She’s the desirable, un-havable friend
With the scent of citrus fresh in her hair

She feels wretched when she sees his number
Flashing in vibrant blue on her cell phone LCD
He’s the assuring, uplifting friend
With timing that’s entirely impeccable

He winces when he dials her number
Fully aware his heart is as blue as his vibrant cell phone LCD
She’s the needy, high maintenance friend
With eyes that shimmer beneath glistening tears

Twenty-Six

Twenty-six letters hold the keys to the universe
But I only care to unlock my cage

Wars were waged and hearts were broken
Lives were taken and possessions were stolen
Murder was committed and maniacs rampaged
For cause of variations of those twenty-six

Tears were shed and cultures were destroyed
Freedom was given and faiths were shaken
Empires were defied and salvages ravaged
For reasons brought about by those very twenty-six

Without them, there would be no peace
No war, no poverty, no differences, no emotion
No love, no faith, no hope
Without them there is nothing

Twenty-six letters decide the fate of creation
But I only care to escape my reality

A blank parchment possesses a purity and innocence I envy
Ink stains and the emotion I shed onto it corrupt it
All the beauty it once did possess
Fades with those twenty-six

A paragraph formed inside this mad expression
Presents structure anew which seeps into my very existence
All the mis-guidance I once did follow blindly
Diminishes with those very twenty-six

Without them, I would have no peace
No compassion, no gratitude, no friends, no freedom
No love, no faith, no hope
Without them I am nothing

Two Years Younger

Two years younger
Quite the treat to look at
Eye candy and a heart of gold
With wits to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of charm

Twice as experienced
Quite something to look forward to
Hour glass figure and a smile of compassion
With sarcasm to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of ambition


Two years older
Quite the ordinary stereotype
Ego built and a heart of stone
With profanity to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of charm

Twice as rejected
Quite something to grow to dread
Athletic figure and a smile of confidence
With cockiness to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of aggression


Two years younger
Quite the nightmare to look at
Eye swollen and a bullet through the chest
With lips removed to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of bruising

Twice as battered
Quite something to stomach looking at
Broken, frail figure and a last smile of defiance
With signatures to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of swelling


Two years older
Quite a sight to behold
Eye scratched and a punch taken to the chest
With silence to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of pride

Twice as alive
Quite something to grow to loathe
Tired, worn figure and a smile of madness
With obsession to make things interesting
All topped off with a good layer of freedom

7.10.2005

Could Just

If I would just close my eyes
I know I could steady my steps
But last time my eyes were shut
He moved my clothes aside and touched me where he wanted

If I would just let go
I know I could fly with you
But last time I wasn’t holding on
I fell for so long I thought I’d never touch ground again

If I would just lay down my head
I know that I could rest a little
But last time I let down my guard
He told me he loved me and took what he thought was his

If I would just turn out the lights
I know that I could see more clearly
But last time I lied in darkness
I screamed for so long I thought I’d never feel silence again

If I could just close my eyes
I know I would steady my steps
I know that if I could just let go
I would stand on solid ground again

If I could just...

7.09.2005

jonathan.

If my eyes are the window to my soul
Then my poetry must be the doorway to everything that I am
You’ve seen most every word I’ve ever written
So you must hold the keys to all that I’ve become

And if laughter is truly the best medicine
And you can never have too much of a good thing
Then talking to you must increase my number of days
Not that I mind, if I get to spend them with you

And you know what, that reminds me...

How we’re ridiculously ashamed of what we really want to say
Like romance and love are truly sinful
Because of some second grade memory of everyone pointing and laughing at us
And singing songs about trees and baby carriages and k-i-s-s-i-n-g

And you know what, I have something to tell you

This girl grew up around mountains and sparsely populated lands
Where she could scream at the top of her lungs from a mountaintop
And have nothing to be ashamed of
Because no one could really hear her anyway

She used to drive out into the middle of nowhere
Climbing to new heights in four-wheel drive
Telling the world what she thought and where they could shove it
And it didn’t really matter if anyone heard her anyway

Because once you’ve experienced a freedom
Without rules, without expectations, without barriers, without regulations
The desire to exercise that freedom is from that point, and henceforth
Instilled within you

So I guess what that all means
Is that since I know what it feels like
To scream from the mountaintops when no one could hear me
I’m not afraid to scream anything anymore
And I don’t care who hears it

And that since you’ve given me something worth screaming about
I plan to do just that
And I don’t care if anyone’s listening

7.08.2005

Dismissal

The jingling of keys plays on as the background music
For an act played out in the depths of my mind
Scene by scene it unfolds before me
And all the years of contemplation come to a point of foreclosure

It’s not every day you come home to boxes on your porch
Especially not when you live alone

You strived to see I had everything I wanted
That I was everything I dreamed I could be
You were a primary factor in the path that led me here
Standing firm, where I am today
With a laundry list of reasons to be proud and quite content

A question of why raises first
How great a sacrifice had I made in such a haste
The evidences of your caring for me are woven throughout my list of possessions

Blink

The realization of what follows next
Broken trust takes time to mend, to heal
You shattered it
I can’t even find all the damn pieces

Blink away the tears

Hope for the future falls into the equation third
The doormat now reads “Go Away” and your footprints are nearly faded away

You failed to express the compassion I now see in your heart
Distracted in your steadfast neglect and words of anger stated with raised voices
You played a role in making me who I am
Believing wholeheartedly, like I am today
With a myriad of causes for gratitude and purposeful smiles

The jingling of keys plays on as the background music
For a conclusion entirely too disheartening for our already fragile relationship

Not a thing in the world extends beyond forgiveness
Still, a few things extend far beyond rekindled friendships
Dismissed.