7.24.2004

The End is Near

If the only way it's going to end

Is me dragging you the level of devastation you left me to despair in

Then I'll take pride in giving up on everything you ever wanted

I'll wait until you're as miserable as I am

And we're disgusted at the sight of each other

And then maybe you'll let me go

So I can be the innocent one again

7.22.2004

Oh, to Burn You

I hate how you see right through me. I hate how you know that I don't want you around anymore. I hate how you smell. I hate how disgustingly adorable you are. I hate how unhappy you make me. I hate how I can't leave you, after all that you've put me through. I think it will burn me more to hurt you than all the times you've left me alone to drown in my tears. The tears that you planted in my eyes with neglect. With anger. With impatience and lack of communication and jealous rage. I hate how I can't leave you because I don't want to hurt you. I hate how I can't think of myself even for a second. I hate how I can't be free. I hate that we're happy when you feel the need to save our relationship. Then there's the rest of the time, when you're not worried, when you're not fearing the moment I turn my back on you, and you take the first opportunity to turn yours first. I hate how I tear myself apart just to save your precious orgasm. I hate how I love you, how I hate to love you. I hate the end.

Fame and Fortune

Persistence gave you a name

A name loathed by the woman of your heart

Notorious enough to be hated by the one you love

The price you pay for being known

Might cost you the very reason you ever desired fame

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth

If only we could exchange that for just one glance

One kiss. One night of ecstasy. I want to feel you close to me

I want you to whisper those three words so sweet

I can't ever take this mask off

I swear I've lost you for good

If only I could go back to the way things were

I miss how you used to notice me when I dropped my pencil

How you apologized when you bumped me in the halls

How you laughed, your gorgeous smile

How you didn't have a clue who I was

Because then you didn't possess such a hatred for me

And maybe then I would have had a chance

7.10.2004

Carved

After all these hours your scent lingers. After all these months, the scars still remain. The memories... taunting my heart to break the foolproof boundaries and return to you. The time we had together was so magnificent, so tragic, so everlasting, so short. For every mile keeping us part, a minute was spent bickering, we pushed each other away. Everything in me desires to erase those miles one by one and come back home, back to your arms, where the world fades away.

Your name isn't written on my heart, it's carved into my soul. Forgetting you is not on my to-do list, it's a feat that's impossible for the time being, and as far as I can see into the future. Everyone notices the difference you make in my life. They all see how you lift me up, how you bring me to life. I forgot what that felt like once, I don't want to forget anymore. I want to remember it all. Remember with me, we could run away forever, I could feel alive again. Remember with me, we could be in love again.