7.23.2003

Love Lost

My heart has twisted and been worn into a thousand pieces. You said you would wait. And I yearn for you more, long for your voice. A word arrives... you have left.

Tears burn, sobs escape. Deepest heartache overwhelms me. How can something so precious, so sought after, so treasured... be lost so quickly?

Goodbye, my love. I have feared these words for so long. Now there is no escaping them. You are hers.

Part of me wants to love you again. I want you, my love. Return to me.

No, I say. God’s will is done.

Where is the plan in this? I yearn to see God, and yet all I see is pain. The sky has gone bleak. My world is lit, but I can’t see the rays of sunshine that light my day.

To grasp the reality is to subject myself to the wrenching of my heart. To see in my mind you with her, nameless, faceless her, fills my mind with grief. What did I do to lose you? Where did I go wrong?

What could I have done to keep you?

To love you?

Forever?

It was ahead of us, in our grasp. Snatched away in a heartbeat. We were envied, admired, persecuted, and encouraged. Where did you go, my love?

Is this all real?

Have I lost you?

Forever?