7.29.2015

faraway.

i know the
miles between us feel
infinite and it's hard to
remember what my
skin feels like beneath your
fingertips, but i promise this
is only temporary

the longing

and oh, how it aches!
but inasmuch as the hurt reaches
everything, i will
love you that
intensely, that
deeply, that
wholly, that
well.

so please don't
shut down, shut me
out.

stay.

7.20.2015

chapters.

maybe all my new
chapters, all these
adventures were really just me
running

i always want to run

maybe starting fresh with a
suitcase of clothes in a
new place with new faces and nothing
familiar is really just
cowardly because i would rather be
invisible than be
known

than be seen
than be heard
than be hurt, all
over
again

and here i am, eye to
eye with another
beautiful perfect thing
gazing into my soul and i cannot
help but want to
flee, i want to
find a new adventure, one where
it's a mountain i climb and not a
valley i rest in trying to
figure out how to
let someone else
in

5.17.2015

skeletons.

it's funny how people don't like to
talk about their pasts, talk about all the
fairy tales and ventures that didn't
have their happy endings

like how i want to be able to say that you didn't
hurt me, didn't
bring me to tears through
second and third and
fourth-hand stories for months after your
abrupt departure

i want to say i am an
impenetrable house, and that wolf, he can
huff and puff and puff all day
long, but i will not
falter, will not
fall

but the truth
the truth is that some days i am
made of straw, hanging on by a
thread and his unkind words, they
brought me tumbling down time and
time again until i finally
saved enough strength to
rebuild

brick by tiny
brick, hour by lingering hour

it took some time, but i am
strong again, i am not
perfectly or flawlessly built but my door is finally wide
open again, i am
standing firm and i am still
all the better for having
loved you

the best i could.

5.02.2015

lady grim.

she moves with
grace and without hesitation. she is
beautiful, and she tastes like
coming home.

she harbors no
prejudices, sees not
age nor race nor gender nor sexuality. we are all as
equal in her eyes as i
wish i could see us
through mine.

perfectly able to move
swiftly without warning, providing some
semblance of closure. but she often chooses to be
nothing short of a tease. stringing us
along until we reach the most
unjustified of ends.

and so, so many of my beloved are wrapped in her
cold arms, others warily wrestling her with
every breath.

at moments i want nothing more than to
follow them over the edge, find my
release, find my
escape. join them in the
darkness, prematurely. to
rape her with a
slit of my
wrist.

but then i remember

to slow down and to
breathe, to
reflect. and her charm, though undeniable,
does not quite romance us all
in the end.

3.22.2015

shadow.

finally finding a
moment between
to-do and to-do and to-do for
breathing, sometimes i think

i'm just living in the shadow of motherhood.

the tiresome and
time consuming black
hole of endless
tasks, and yet

it's the kind of shadow that
a strong oak casts in the
heat of summer

a refuge,
where i find
solace and
perspective

and everything that i thought was just
wearing me down is really
shaping this small homemade
being and showing me that this
life i lead is both
privileged and rather
captivating,
to say the least.

2.16.2015

beautiful enough.

i may be
little apart from
average, but i
am unique still and that
is beautiful
enough.

4.29.2014

blank.

for a couple years there, my
heart was broken and my
mind was spinning and my
voice was,
well,
i don't know where.

falling.

in a room filled with a
hundred or
one, my eyes always
instinctively find
you

in my dreams, when your
hand meets
mine and i
linger, that's how
i know

i'm falling

2.20.2014

BACON!

bacon for breakfast
my heart swells, both with joy and
dat cholesterol.


written for movaten.

2.14.2014

bottom feeder.

i wear a
smile on my
face and
people think i’m
brave or

something

but i
sit below the
table, just
waiting to pick up the
discards scraps of the
rich and
famous

we call it being “thrifty”
knowing i’m worth more

working that 9-5
paying the bills on time
watching love pass me by
quiet on the sideline
saying everything’s fine

i’m fine



written for movaten.

11.28.2013

endure.

soar wildflower
over sun and moon
through darkest days
with wings
strong as the sea
find beauty and
understanding and
dance

7.31.2013

sex object.

my number’s plastered on the
bathroom walls

and they’re right, i guess. i’m a
damn good time

sometimes i feel like it’s all i’m
good for. but i want to be
beautiful, i want to be
someone’s first choice, i want
to be loved.

i want you to wake up thinking about me, go to
sleep thinking about me, your sleep to be
filled with
dreams of
me.

but i’m not the prettiest or the
smartest or the
funniest or
anything cool like
that.

but i guess if i get
out of my bed and
into the world, someone might
see me for me and

i could have more.


written for movaten.

7.27.2013

easy.

i live my life out like a
spectacle, keeping all
nonjudgmental parties mesmerized with my
wildly exaggerated tales of
romance

i am little apart from my
sexual escapades, i am
everyone's favorite
extracurricular activity

i care too little and i
care too much

all at once.

i'm not the girl you bring home to your
parents, i'm the
girl you try to
get into your
bed

'cause i'm a lot of fun, really
as long as you
keep a safe
distance

7.01.2013

cyclical.

awakened to the
stench of
yesterday's alcohol. entirely numb to what
should be today's
regret.

stumbling out of
bed into a
waste bin full of
condoms and
candy wrappers without an ounce of
shame.

incapable of
recollecting evenings previous. so, so
many drinks
ago.

throwing on a dress
grabbing the bottle and
out the door and onto round
whatever this is.

6.30.2013

this is me healing.

behind closed doors, i am still
broken and afraid and
waiting for my
next heartache, but i will
emerge, eyes wide, searching for
beauty, and it's
all around! it is in
handsome strangers in a
photo booth, old
friendships rekindled.
in kind words and
the love of those who
stuck around and will be
faithful 'til the
very end.
it is in the children's
faces and their
laughter and the
inevitable discovery of
joy in those around if i can just be
brave enough to
open up and
let them back in.